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There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is.
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can`t remember what they are.
The condoms need to be located in the baby aisle, next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I`d say I`m about 74% Rice Krispies.
Your shadow is a confirmation that light has traveled nearly 93 million miles unobstructed, only to be deprived of reaching the ground in the final few feet thanks to you
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
Moving all my retirement funds into a Colorado snack machine franchise.
Before Instagram, I used to waste so much time sitting around having to imagine what my friends` food looked like.
I tried kickboxing, but I couldn`t get the hang of walking with boxing gloves on my feet.
I`m not perfect, but I`m the best me there is or ever will be.
This is not meant for you. Look away. STOP LOOKING AT IT! :)
Everybody reaches a point in their lives when they die.
One thing the porn industry has taught me is that this summer I defiantly need to get a job as a poolboy.