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If you figure me out I want an explanation.
I wish people would consult me before trying to insult me, because I could help them come up with a much better one.
I log off because I`m bord... I log on 5min later because I`m bord
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
Scientists say the Universe is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons... They forgot to add Morons.
Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google and Wikipedia.
I have enough leftover Halloween candy to get me to leftover Valentine`s Day candy time.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
If by self-help you mean helping myself to all the liquor in your cabinet... Then yeah... I`m about as self-helpful as they come.
Smiling gives you wrinkles. Resting bitch face keeps you pretty.
Why are police men so strong? Because they hold up traffic.
The girl next door looks over at me, then her phone, then makes a disgusted look on her face. I think she`s just found my Facebook account
Pizza is like sex, when it is good it`s very good, When it`s bad...it`s still pretty good.
Now if you’ll excuse me, tonight’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.