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Summer is here. I`m in the process of moving all my bad habits outside.
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
I hardly know you…. but, Facebook says it’s your birthday, so happy birthday!
I’d be much more interested in meeting people if I didn’t think most people were idiots.
Key to a great marriage ... Lack of imagination.
I’ve been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to “that”.
If you say "cash money" around me, Don`t act surprised when I kick you in the "balls nuts" See how stupid that sounds?
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.
I think I speak for everyone when I say we hate being spoken for.
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
There`s no WE in pizza.
You know you drank too much last night when you have to use google maps to locate yourself the next morning.
I prefer to think outside the box because things can get very dark inside it.
We got an extra day this year. Why did it have to be a Monday?