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WeΒ΄re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
I see the Seven Deadly Sins as more of a To-Do list.
thinks there are times when your the most beautiful girl in the world, and there are times when Iβm sober.
One day, I`m gonna wait for the Wal-Mart greeter to go on a bathroom break, step in their place, and begin welcoming everyone to K-mart.
if your an astronaut, and you don`t end a relationship with "look, I just need space.." then your wasting everyones time
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever Iβm making important life decisions.
I hate it when people exaggerate my mistakes and make it seem like Iβve commited a crime.
I`m not always rude. Sometimes I`m sleeping.
Sorry I didn`t answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth
If thereβs one thing that Iβve learned itβs, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
I should be asleep, but there are a lot of things I should be.
I hate when I`m about to hug somebody really sexy and my face hits the mirror!!
Whenever I drive past the psychicβs empty parking lot, I think, if I was psychic I would only be open on the days I knew people were coming.
I got a new high score today ... Sadly, it was on my bathroom scale
This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.