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never be afraid to wipe twice
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles?
If she asks what the weight limit is on your ceiling fan.... She`s a keeper!
If someone hates you for no apparent reason, give them one.
A German boy pushed his brother off a cliff. He then turned to his mother and said "Look Mom! No Hans!"
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
Happy National hear fireworks all day and night set off by Drunk People you wouldn`t trust with a Glo-Stick Day.
"The secret is that it`s all in the wrist!" -My grandfather talking about golf or handjobs or something
I would unblock you but then I`d be admitting I`d made a mistake and that`s just not my thing.
To all my friends who sent me best wishes for 2013, for 2014 could you please send money, alcohol or petrol vouchers…Cheers!
My wife is driving me to drink. I hope she remembers to pick me up when I’m done.
Benefits of hooking up with me: You will be hooking up with me. I could go on but I think I made my point.
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.
ATM`s need to have breathalyzers.