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A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
Thanks to Facebook i now know what everyones bathroom looks like.
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.
Thanks, resealable packaging, but I think we both know that won`t be necessary.
All the advantages right-handed people have are cancelled out when we have to do our banking at the drive-up ATM left-handed.
The guest of honour was a bit subdued. The Keyboardist was playing too softly for my liking. But it was a good turnout, lots of food and laughter. But break out into one choreographed `Thriller` dance routine and the crowd goes all apesh!t and tosses you out of the funeral home.
My hair looks amazing today. I hope I see everybody I hate.
It’s what people don’t know about each other that makes them such good friends.
Someday, the time I waste deciding what to watch on Netflix will be shorter than the actual time watching it
Mondays feel like biting into a chocolate chip cookie only to find out it`s oatmeal raisin.
Hello? HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet but you sent me a printer.
I don`t go on Facebook much so Dave, if you`re seeing this, thanks for the invite to your 2007 New Year`s party, hope you had fun dude.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.