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Laughing at your mistakes can lengthen your life. Laughing at your wife’s can shorten it.
Some people just need sympathetic pat.........on the head........with a hammer
One time I asked some girl what she was thinking. By the time she finished her thought we had 2 children.
I`d love to have a sex change. Preferably from `none` to `absolutely sh!tloads`.
The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during s@x.
From now on, I will be replacing the word `sh*t` with `sugar` in my facebook statuses, so that I don`t come across as being so f*cking vulgar all the time.
Since you no longer have a calendar I`d like to notify all the Mayans that it has been one year since the end of the world.
If you say "cash money" around me, Don`t act surprised when I kick you in the "balls nuts" See how stupid that sounds?
Touch my food and suffer the consequences.
When you go in the other room I ask your dog what you look like naked.
I’ve got bad news: Today is not Friday, Tomorrow is not Friday, Even the day after tomorrow is not Friday.
Putting a light in the refrigerator is God`s way of telling us that it`s okay to eat before going to bed.
God is testing me today, but I don`t think he realizes I`m a `C` student.
They say you`ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there`s some middle step I`ve been missing?
Apparently the ``All you can eat buffet`` isn`t a challenge ...