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I can alwasy tell when movies do not use real dinosaurs
If a woman shaves her legs for you, at least every other day, in the Winter time, it`s Love.
Beer is good, but beers are better.
The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
It`s amazing how we are very good lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for other people`s mistakes.
I put the "fun" in "functioning alcoholic"
I plucked my first gray hair today ... Man, that lady was upset.
There`s no way to look cool when the doctor walks into your exam room just as you`re blowing up a rubber glove.
Any fool can use a computer ... Many do
Why did the mushroom go to the party because he was the fungi
I danced like no one was watching but someone was watching, thought I was having a seizure and called an ambulance
Still have not used all the free hours from my AOL start up disk
Twitter is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
You know how we smack your household appliances when they`re malfunctioning and it makes them work? I wish you could do that with people.
Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures.