Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You know your ugly when the dog has to close his eyes to hump your leg
I`ll tell you what a woman wants. She wants you to drag her to the bedroom, toss her down, and do the dishes and laundry while she takes a nap.
You can`t make everyone happy, so today I think you should focus on me.
Taco Bell drive-thru should have a “I’m Feeling Lucky” button.
If someone posts a picture of their kid on Facebook making a stupid face, I like to comment with, "Oh, NOW I see the resemblance!"
I`m not drunk ... But I`m working on it.
I don`t need a personal trainer as much as I need someone to follow me around and slap unhealthy food out of my hands.
Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders... * How I learned this rule is not important.
they say winning doesnt matter then why they had kept scores
Did Humpty Dumpty sue them motherf*ckers for making that wall so high?
Facebook is like my fridge… I know there is nothing there but I check it every 10 minutes anyways.
Never trust a married guys opinion of who’s hot. It’s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
Those 5 donuts I ate are really going to give me an extra boost during my workout today.
I`m in no shape to exercise patience!
All cookies are "bite size" if you believe in yourself enough.