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It`s so cute how all the free sandwiches in the fridge at work have little names.
Don`t you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really didn`t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.
Now that I`ve maxed out my 401k for the year, I`ll get a tattoo, said no one ever.
I don`t have ADD. It`s just that everything is more interesting than what I have to get done.
The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.
I like telling people to "grow up" because even if they hate me I can visit them ten years later and say "Took my advice I see"
Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.
How many instruments do you have to be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?
I was chasing my dreams, but I tripped over reality and busted my head on the truth.
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
I`ll be there in a second I just gotta finish writing this letter of apology to a club owner for tearing up his dance floor last night..
Anything is legal when there`s no police around
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.
I think girls secretly enjoy putting guys in the friend zone