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I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it`s a website to find love. So I was close.
If you own a podium and put up a sign that says "valet" on it, can you just steal cars?
I fold my laundry just like everyone else. About 3 weeks after the dryer buzzes.
I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn`t tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
I am a little worried that every "evacuation route" sign is leading away from my house.
Ya know u would never know u where happy if u never had bad memory.
is spending my children´s inheritance.
Girlfriend said she felt she looked fat, tired, and ugly. Said she needed a compliment. I told her that her eyesight was nearly flawless.
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
This company doesn`t know how much of an asset I am.. Or an ass-sit. They really should pay more attention.
Up to date Girl Scout cookie sales by states: California: 138,000 Boxes Florida: 129,000 Boxes Virginia: 126,000 Boxes Colorado: 8 Million Boxes
"People should just mind their own business," probably the funniest thing I`ve ever read on a social networking site.
My bank statement is just a visual record of bad decisions.
Don’t bother looking up “impose.” It’s next to impossible.
Just finished building Rome with Legos. Took me a day.