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wants to remind you this Halloween, that as a general rule, don`t solve riddles that open portals to Hell.
Pro tip: when you have a drug test and they tell you to go to the bathroom in the cup, that means PEE. Always.
Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
Do you ever bring your pet up to a mirror and you`re just like, "That is you."
Take mentos and freeze into ice cubes. Put the ice cubes in your friend’s drink. After five minutes their drink will randomly explode.
Exercise would be so much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burn them.
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off
That awkward moment when the automatic flushing toilet goes off when you`re still sitting down.
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in
I think my downstairs neighbors are beginning to suspect I`m living in their attic...
I saw a spider in my bathtub. So I took a tissue and very, very carefully, burned the house down.
You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
Curling irons have a warning tag that says “For External Use Only.” Which of you sick mofos made that necessary?
The nice thing about living in the southern states is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense here.