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Be the reason someone smiles today. Or the reason they drink. You choose your own adventure.
Our #1 problem in this country is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything ...but please don`t quote me!
I`m in a good place right now. Not emotionally....just that I`m at the liquor store.
Getting out of bed feels like the worst thing that’s ever happened to me ... every time it happens.
There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
I don`t always drink beer. But when I do, I always lie about not always drinking beer.
If we agree, I`m probably being sarcastic ... Or I`m drunk
The key to any successful marriage is separate TVs.
It`s so cold out I`ve turned 50 Shades Of Blue!
Behind that fat girl is a beautiful woman...No seriously, she`s in the way.
People who have more than 10 items in the express line… We see you and we are judging you.
The dollar store needs to go ahead and open up a few gas stations.
I`d like to thank the bars for being there for me.
And today I learned to never ask a woman how she dye`s her roots black.
Just backed into a Jaguar but I left him a note on my bank statement so he knows not to bother calling