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Eventually I will find Bigfoot and he will tell me all he knows about Hide & Seek.
Welcome to journalism, where everything is made up, and the sources don`t matter.
I don`t just sing in my shower, I perform.
"10 Totally Epic Reasons Why You`re Going Straight to Hell" - 2013 version of Ten Commandments
Stapling water to a tree is easier than controlling your laughter at serious times.
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present, they are due back at the library today.
This salad tastes like I`m about done with my New Year`s Resolution.
When I was six, my dad threw me into the pool thinking I would instantly learn to swim. I probably would if it had water in it.
A man tried to sell me a coffin today. I told him that`s the last thing I need.
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
One great thing about life before the internet was if you met someone, you didn`t then have to know them the rest of your life.
I didn’t scream out someone else’s name during sex. I was thinking of baby names in case you get pregnant…
Being a camera must be pretty cool. You get to sleep until there`s something cool to see.
When I say lol, I don`t literally mean I laughed out loud. What I actually mean is that I made a loud outward breath through my nose, similar to a bull.
No, no, no, you don`t have to engage in a long explanation of why you`re single. We`ve spent five minutes together, I think I`ve got it.