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You can tell a guy has a woman in his life when he remembers to do stuff like put on deodorant and wipe his butt most of the time!
More food should come with prizes inside it.
There are many different ways one can save energy, but my favorite by far is this recliner.
Work is the result of failing to procrastinate effectively.
The only real difference between my 20s and my 30s is that now I make all my bad decisions before midnight.
Forecast for tonight: Dark.
A new heavy metal Christian Rock band will soon be releasing their debut album. They`re called Nuns `n` Moses.
If at first you don`t succeed then maybe you just suck.
When I die I want Charlie Sheen’s life to flash before my eyes.
Sometimes I think I`m pretty cool but then I remember plants can eat sun and poop out air.
When you drink alcohol you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.
You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
St Patricks Day, when you can eat lucky charms dowsed in beer and everyone thinks..great idea!
Are you reading this from a toilet? I`m writing this from one.
Unless your name is “Google”, stop acting as if you know everything!