Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Turning your signal light on once you`ve already changed lanes is just about as useful as offering to help the old lady across the street AFTER she`s already been hit by a school bus full of screaming children. Just sayin`
My girlfriend says I talk while I sleep... but I`m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
Forecast for today: Unproductive with a chance of a late drinking session.
The number one key to a successful marriage is alcoholism.
I am one of those people who presses every button in the elevator when I`m getting out =]
That very akward moment when Shakirah`s hips lie!
It`s bad luck to be superstitious.
All I`m saying is if I`m not allowed to give a monkey a gun at the zoo they should have a sign.
Do you think Santa regrets giving all those bad kids coal now that global warming is threatening his home?
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
There’s a police helicopter above my house right now, so I’m cashing in and calling everyone who has ever said “when pigs fly.”
I went to see the doctor today for my annual check-up. The good news is the he says I`m healthy as a horse. The bad news is he uses large farm animals to
Can`t they just make a "Poke infinity" button?
Anyone who calls it a "day off with the kids"... Either has no kids or doesn`t know what "day off" means.