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I`m kind of clueless about pop culture. I thought "Hogwarts" was an STD
Once I`m finished with this last container of Cool Whip, I will be the proud owner of a complete set of salad bowls.
I just found handcuffs, a whip and a mask in my girlfriend’s bedroom. I can’t believe she’s a super hero.
Lots of us suffer in silence. You should try it.
Woke up this morning, looked in the mirror & said out loud, "You gotta bring it today!" ... So I packed a lunch and went to work.
I propose a toast to the booze for making life seem tolerable.
My kids wanna have a water balloon fight later, I just got done putting mine in the freezer... Wanna bet I win...
I don’t know what my neighbor’s name is and we’ve been neighbors too long for me to ask.
New research reported that men enjoy snuggling. A second study showed that men will say anything to get a researcher into bed.
If Olympic drinking was an event I would probably take gold in the floor routine.
My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there`s lunch brought in for everyone
As I got older my six-pack turn into a keg.
Call me old school, but cigarettes should not have USB ports
The problem with this generation? The cartoons suck.
If the customer is always right, then why isn’t anything for free?