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"There`s nothing sexier than a chick that knows how to work on cars" -Dudes, trying to get us to do that job too.
If you ever Google "Grandfather Clock", be careful how you spell that sh!t.
Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.
50% of people believe s@x is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are guys
If you are naughty go to your room, if you wanna be naughty go to mine :)
Its funny how your friends change , Meet new people and forget about you . :( But just know i`ll still be in your heart?
My wife just opened a jar of pickles by herself and I can`t help but think that my days around here are numbered...
I will have you know I have FRIENDS! All 10 seasons.
Everyone has a purpose in life ... Perhaps mine is finding things to bitch about.
"Holy sh!t, that guy eats a lot of pizza" -people that walk by my house on recycling day.
Remember waffles are just pancakes ribbed for your pleasure
i just peed so hard that I laughed a little bit
If someone says you`re not a mermaid, don`t talk to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity in your life.
I`ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
When Miley Cyrus is naked and licks a hammer it’s “art” and “music”... but when I do it, I’m “wasted” and “have to leave Home Depot"