Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t go to bars anymore, but I miss some things about it. So sometimes I wait outside my bathroom for 15 minutes when I`m dying to pee.
I am the reason why Waldo is hiding.
The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won`t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I`ll play mine.
I`m an outdoorsy kind of guy, I like to drink beer outdoors
"No comment" - said no woman, ever
I can`t wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
I do not like being told what to do unless I`m naked.
Nothing says "friend zone" quite like a girl saying "you`re like a brother to me." (Disregard this message if you`re from Alabama)
If all men are created equal then why are there midgets?
Lately, my furnace has run so much I nicknamed it "Forest".
Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status, after 3 it should default to "unstable".
What do you mean being awesome for another year isn`t a resolution?
LIFE HACK: Answer your phone "Hello you`re on the air" and 99% of the time people will just hang up
Every time I go to the bank I ask if they are giving out any free samples.