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I like to play fetch with my cat....which, you know, is just me throwing stuff,,, followed by disappointment.
What`s it called when you always have a sweet tooth, but it`s only for booze?
Science is just a numbery way to explain magic.
It`s not a walk of shame if you leave on a pogo stick.
I bet when Hugh Hefner dies no one will say "He`s in a better place now."
Work is the result of failing to procrastinate effectively.
I am losing Facebook friends at an alarming rate. Whatever it is that I said, is working like a charm.
A simpler, more believable theory is that all the dinosaurs got married and just quit having sex all together.
People pay to sponsor animals in the wild and get pic updates on it. Well if anyone would like to sponsor me I will send you a selfie a day.
As a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
In order for three people to keep a secret, two must be dead!
Having a bad day? Imagine a T-Rex trying to masturbate. you`re welcome.
Who actually clicks on the "No I am not over 18" links on "adult" pages?
My life is based on a true story
It`s a good thing the gas station is open today...... I still have time to do my Christmas shopping.