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The pill is the second best thing women can put in their mouths to prevent pregnancy.
Nipples: Nature`s thermometer.
Balloons think they’re so cool. I tried to tell one he was leaking and he just said, “Pfft.”
You health nuts are gonna feel real stupid when you`re laying in the hospital dying of nothing.
I`ve just released my own fragrance...No one on the bus seems to like it though.
My daughter wanted a Cinderella themed birthday party, so I invited All of her Friends over and made them clean the house.
This morning I jogged for 30 swear words.
Why do the 5 seconds I have to wait before I can "skip ad" last 30 seconds?
Not that I expect 100% truth in advertising, but shouldn’t those women in the tampon commercials be wielding chainsaws and burning stuff down, not laughing and dancing?
Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
Time to get Star Spangled hammered. Happy 4th you crazy Americans.
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!
You wanna know where I`m ticklish? Hawaii.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do. Happy Fathers Day!
There should be a mercy rule for how many pics a girl can upload from her vacation.