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Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called “fun sized” should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.
Why hasn`t anyone invented a button next to the snooze which emails your boss to say you`re gonna be late?
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig ? The letter F ?
If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes. Not the best idea a man ever had ;)
No, I didn`t accidentally pocket dial you, I wanted you to hear me eat lunch.
I just broke my record for most days lived.
Why would you be scared to get Ebola? You haven`t left your couch since 2011.
#1738 "The fact that people use the wrong "your" and "there" yet spell "Bieber" correctly bothers me."-dd
If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?
One time I threw a boomerang and lost it, now I live in constant fear.
Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
If you hold a 40oz bottle to your ear you can hear the ghetto.
I wonder where superman changes now that there are no more phone booths
If you don’t like my sense of humor please tell me… so I can laugh at you!
They say dolphins are the second smartest animal after humans, but I`ve never seen a dolphin with a face tattoo.