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When I was younger, it was wine, women & song. Now I am older, it`s beer, the old lady & TV!
I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
The phrase, “Don’t take this the wrong way” has a zero percent success rate.
Life is not a garden so quit being a hoe
I wish I could google the things I’ve misplaced.
When I arrive at work, how long can I spend screaming in my car before it becomes weird?
I can`t wait to procrastinate.
Hey.. The tequila I drank wants to tell you a secret.
I should probably be in a relationship just for the supervision.
Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago
Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don`t know where I am.
There are so many things in life I still need to lick.
I may look calm, but in my head I´ve punched you in the face 3 times already!
Sometimes I just bang my head on the keyboard and hope words form.
Subway only exists because we`re all too damn lazy to throw a sandwich together. "Could you lay meat on that bread for me? Here`s $8."