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I love long legs.... Long sexy legs..... But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
I’m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You’re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what’s going on here.
Behind every crazy woman is a man that made her that way.
Life is not fair. But life is not fair for everyone, which actually makes it fair.
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I`m in whey over my head.
If your problem can`t be solved by me saying "damn" and nodding a lot, then you shouldn`t come to me for help.
If I ever put stuff in storage I`m going to write "gold bars" and "priceless memorabilia" on the boxes just to mess with storage wars.
Facebook, the lost and found for people. . .
People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous
Sobriety is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.
Didn`t think my day could get any better but my robe has pockets so boom, there you go.
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I’ll never know.
I thought I cracked this "adulthood" till I realised my shirt was on inside out !!!!!