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My need for caffeine is so bad I`m going to AA for the free coffee
Don`t exercise ... fat people are harder to kidnap
Seriously, how can it be considered stealing when my neighbor’s WiFi signal was trespassing in MY house? I’m the victim here!!
I`m looking for a new personal trainer, the last one didn`t work out
Instructions for having an adventure: 1. Stand outside restaurant. 2. Wait for someone to ask if you`re the valet. 3. Say yes.
so, on a scale of one is to seven, which letter of the alphebet is your favourite colour?
i just caught a disease so rare that even i dont have it .
I got in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich.
All my life I`ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.
My favorite beer is an open one.
I`ve decided to add more positivity in my life. So, now when I say someone`s an a@#hole, I qualify it with......... but he`s really good at it...........and I`m positive about that!
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
If anyone knows Phillip tell him I have a bunch of his screwdrivers.
Just saw a coyote next to the highway... I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
Look!!! I am always here for you no matter what,OK? unless there is something good on tv or I`m eating pie