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Was sitting and doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!!
I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
Keep the dream alive......... Hit the snooze button.
Offering a homeless dude $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
I go to a gym called Resolutions. It has exercise equipment for the first 2 weeks of each year, then becomes a bar for the remaining 50.
I bet the guy who invented fake dog poo was upset the name "shampoo" was taken
I was in NYC and a black guy asked me if the Yankees won to which I replied, "Yeah, man, you`re free."
I finally found a machine at the gym I like: the vending machine!
Is it even possible to calmly walk away from a dark basement?
If you`re going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10am, don`t be open.
Whenever I drive past the psychic’s empty parking lot, I think, if I was psychic I would only be open on the days I knew people were coming.
Internet Dating......The Odds are good but the Goods are odd
For many people, "live and learn" is one task too many.
Note to self: the wife does not want an `exercise pole`.