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Where do suicide bombers go when they die? Everywhere.
take me drunk i`m home
What`s the lowest IQ someone can have while still being a relatively full functioning adult? My wife wants to know.
If you are having anxiety over something you`ve said or done, just remember that 90% of the world only cares what you look like.
Orange Hi-C counts as a serving of fruit, right?
My religious preference, is for you to steer clear of me with yours.
Just a reminder that your coworkers aren`t going to get eaten by bears on their own. You have to make that happen. You have to want it.
As a nation, we may be spending our children`s money, but at my house, it`s the other way around.
People who walk in front of the theatre screen while you`re watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude.
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
I`m a firm believer that if something takes 10 minutes to cook on 200 degrees then it should only take 5 minutes to cook on 400 degrees
The guy that discovered milk.. What did you tell your friends were you doing to that cow? O_o
Patiently waiting for the Prozac to kick in so I can start my day....Ok, Maybe NOT patiently!
Every pizza is a personal pizza if you eat the entire thing.
Twice-baked potatoes, refried beans, etc.: Damn, people, cook it right the first time or get out of the kitchen!