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Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
We should do this “3-day weekend” thing more often.
Gatorade always has athletes in their commercials sweating and working hard. They really should target their real consumer. A Fat guy on the couch nursing a hangover. Is it in you?
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don`t run into anyone you know.
Coffee: fueling you for a job you can`t stand to support a life you never wanted. Tastes good though...
One of my biggest fears is that my car secretly records me singing.
I`ve always pictured myself taking selfies.
You know you`re married when you find her sexier with clothes on.
The difference between your house smelling like delicious popcorn or burnt a$$ is around 24 seconds ..
I`ve totally cut carbs out of my diet. Until lunch.
Who needs Google when you’ve got a wife who knows it all?
Why the hell isn`t the iphone`s battery life called "Apple Juice."
is sick and tired and tired of being sick and sick of being tired!
.Monday: No. Tuesday: Ugh. Wednesday: Why. Thursday: Omg. Friday: Finally. Saturday: Yes. Sunday: Crying.