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I wonder if more children were conceived because of alcohol or more alcohol was consumed because of children.
Insanity means never having to say “I’m Guilty”.
Alcohol doesn´t solve any problems ... but then again, neither does milk.
It’s strange to think that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals desperately trying to get laid.
My favorite sexual position is pretty much any of them. I`m just glad to be involved.
It`s just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
I`m thankful for pizza and burgers... and ice cream and bacon and fries and... F*ck it, I`m thankful for food. I love you, food.
If you have a mirror handy, kindly gaze into it and you will find your problem
Sorry I said "at least it`s healthy" when you asked me how cute your baby was.
I don’t understand decaf coffee. It’s like sex without the sex.
If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that`s another weakness
Boobs are like model trains. They were originally for children but grown men always want to play with them.
I’m always in a rush to get home so I can do absolutely nothing.
I remember when peer pressure was all about drugs and promiscuous sex. Now it`s Fitbit and who has the best gluten free recipes.
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.