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How to win an argument. 1. Have a vagina. 2. That’s it. 3. You win. 4. Congratulations.
when she says "size doesn`t matter" what she really means is "I have been disappointed before." :)
The patience I have for my kids is directly proportional to the amount of people watching me.
Some people look for a perfect relationship, but all I want is a cheeseburger that looks like the ones on commercials!
No one knows what women really want, but everyone agrees it still won`t be enough.
It`s never too late to follow your dreams. Unless your dream is to be a child actor, in which case yes, it`s too late.
I feel it`s important for you to know, no matter what I`m faced with and when given the option, I am that guy who will send you a voice-mail marked confidential.
It`s Sunday or as I like to call it, "No pants day".
Bacon...need I say more
Just saw the first duckface of Spring.
Whenever you feel like a genius, remember there was a time in your life when you were learning to not poop your pants.
Not so great minds also think alike.
Are you supposed to get an email that says “HAHAHAHAHA” after signing up for Match.com?
The phrase “Ignore it and it will go away.” does NOT apply to being chased by a dozen cop cars.....trust me on this one.
Adult movies now available in 3D?!? Some thing I just don`t want to see flying at my face.