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Just watched a woman in front of me walk face first into a telephone pole because she was too busy looking at her phone. I could’ve given her a heads up, but then I wouldn’t have been able to watch her walk face first into the telephone pole.
It`s weird how Dora is multilingual at 4 but can`t find the banana tree behind her...
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to grow up, I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
A new study says schizophrenia and pot smoking are genetically linked — but don`t worry, another study says you`re just being paranoid.
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I’m making important life decisions.
There has to be an online course that I can take to get over my internet addiction.
The ultimate home security system is having crappy stuff.
IMPORTANT REMINDER: Sunday is Mother`s Day, which means Facebook is gonna be annoying as crap...
What idiot called it a contraction and not a birthquake?
I`d probably get a lot more done if it wasn`t for me.
To hell with the "dislike" button! i think we need a "who cares" button, a "WTF" button and a "STFU!" button. just saying.... Oh and a "lol" button because i just get tired of writing it! lol!
The human body is amazing... You breathe in oxygen and it converts it into sarcasm.
I got kicked out of a Yoga class today. Apparently, your not supposed to do the `Downward Dog` on top of another person.
I just spent a lot of time trying to form a thought when it would`ve been easier to just say, "F*ck it."
Just tried to put my seatbelt on ... at my desk ... I`m pretty.