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It`s pretty stupid the way mornings have to come every morning.
I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.
Women are always complaining that men are messy by leaving clothes layin around…..That’s because women take up all the closets
Of course your opinion matters. Just not to me.
It`s not a mental breakdown if the police wasn`t called.
With all the technology these days, you`d think they would come up with an Online Gym where losing weight would be a click away
Checked a lot off my thought-about-doing-today list.
When my kids grow up, I`m going to their house to break their stuff, eat all their food, make a huge mess, say I`m bored & then just leave!
There are 7 trillion nerves in the human body. Some people are capable of getting on every last one of them.
As soon as I figure out who drank my 2 cases of beer, I`m gonna try to figure out why I`m so drunk.
As I slid my finger slowly down her G string, I thought to myself "this is a nice guitar"
When the only light in your world is suddenly gone …it’s time to recharge your phone.
Humpty Dumpty was pushed I tell ya. PUSHED!!!!!!
It would be funny if the husband is actually sleeping with the Jake from state Farm.
Im just waiting for the day for Ashton Kutcher to go to Charlie Sheen and say "its stilll your show. YOU JUST BEEN PUNK`D!"