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Dear children, when you look under your bed, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster.
Thinks that thinking about thoughts of thinking are too thinkable for thoughts to be thought about thinking, I think.
I`m sorry I snort-laughed when you were saying your vows.
What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life and you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.
I went to buy condoms and the cashier just said "yeah right" and put em back on the shelf
A new heavy metal Christian Rock band will soon be releasing their debut album. They`re called Nuns `n` Moses.
Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.
Being sick is your bodies way of saying “Hey, you really need to catch up on some TV”.
I think I have 10 inches of Global Warming on my driveway.
"I smell carrots. Do you smell carrots? `cause I smell carrots..." ~ Snowmen.
One fun way to describe Facebook is “imagine you are a mind reader in Walmart.”
I won employee of the month!!!…. again! I love being self employed.
Who needs Google when you’ve got a wife who knows it all?
I didn`t know until this week that so many people I know are politicians...
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.