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Life is beautiful ...... but Monday`s suck all the way around.
I saw that! - Karma
Before having any kids make sure you’re done sleeping and doing things you like to do.
Today is "National Take Your Flask To Work Day." ... I just made it up. Tell the others.
Don`t threaten to leave people, surprise them by actually leaving.
I`d like to have a child one day...Two days, tops.
I`m obviously smarter than you`re
Helpful Tip: You can’t get in trouble for leaving work early if you disable the security cameras and crawl out the air-conditioning duct.
Face down, a$$ up ... that`s the way I tie my shoes.
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
Why do grown ups pay to go to gyms to exercise on expensive equipment? Can`t we meet at a park after work and play tag until dark?
I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would`ve been a lot more interesting.
Ask.com is useless............they have no idea where I put my car keys either
I can`t wait til the Presidential race ends so we can stop hating people for their politics and go back to hating people because they`re jerks