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"You know what, we need a huge spoon to take care of this" -Guy who invented shovels
I`m as nutty as a squirell fart
first show me the benefits and then I`ll decide if we can be friends.
I smoked weed once and realized spoons are just little bowls on sticks
I´m playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can´t get off the couch or I´ll die.
Its real cute how pedestrians confuse “right of way” with immortality.
You can`t fix stupid, but you can always drink more beer.
Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes...
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they`re going to put you in one.
If anybody steals my identity, at least I’ll know who to look for.
My bf just got out of jail. Says life in jail for him was a big pain in the a$$
October is breasts cancer month. I stare because I care.
Being an adult is 99% wondering how you hurt your back.
dreams of a better world... where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned
My home security system is just 15 motion-activated Big Mouth Billy Basses.