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I hate grocery shopping. That`s why I just steal a full cart when somebody turns away. I never know what I`m getting, but it sure is faster.
Everybody says waking up at 5 in the morning to exercise makes you feel great but I think lying in bed for another 2 hours feels better.
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
Go through a fast food drive thru. When they repeat your order back to you, say "And can I get that to go?" and enjoy the confused silence.
I`m so broke that I can`t even pay attention!
It must really suck to take life so seriously that you can’t enjoy it.
Loneliness is when your sleeve unrolls itself while washing dishes and you try to roll it back up with your face.
You only live once is the most reassuring thing I`ve ever heard.
YouTube "This video is not available in your country". where the hell am I from? NARNIA?
I wonder what happens when a doctor’s wife eats an apple a day.
Does anyone else get scared when a text reads "Can I ask you a question?"
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up along side them and say "I think we lost them."
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
LOSE WEIGHT FAST! Mix equal parts warm water, apple cider vinegar, & lemon juice toss that disgusting sh!t into a sink & get on a treadmill.
I have a tattoo of a gigantic bruise on my left ankle in case anyone ever asks me to go hiking. Or help them move.