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Take my advice, I don’t use it anyway.
I`m going to start carrying fireworks in my car because sometimes my horn just isn`t enough.
I`m really easy to get along with, once people learn to worship me.
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer, & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario, there`s a dumb guy who didn`t take it out in time.
I hate when my mom tells people I`m 503 months old.
I dont mind if you call me Crazy, but dont you dare call me stupid. Because to be this crazy some intelligence is definitely required.
I hate it when people are holding a device capable of using google and they ask me stupid questions.
I woke up with a headache this morning but she went to work.
There are 2 types of people in this world, those who press “door close” in the elevator before others can jump on & those who are liars.
It’s almost 2015, I expect a toaster that pops the bread up in a less terrifying way.
*Spoiler Alert*--- Siamese cats are just one cat ... not two cats in one.
Exercise makes you look and feel better naked ... But, so does Tequila
The only thing I ever win playing McDonald’s Monopoly is 10 pounds.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.