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Here Friday Friday...come on...hurry up! Oh no you don`t! You come when I call you damn it! Get your a$$ over here. ... good boy!
If I was a Jedi there is a 100% chance that I would use the Force inappropriately.
My girlfriend says I shouldn`t plan things so far in advance. Well, she`s not my girlfriend yet.
Randomly print things to give your co-workers the impression you’re working.
"Of course you`re the prettiest girl here, you just need to talk louder" - alcohol
A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs...by keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.
OMG!! IT`S MONDAY ... What the f*ck do you think comes after Sunday, Sunday JR. ?
That moment when I try and be helpful to a blind man getting off the bus by saying, "watch your step"
Don`t get excited girls. That bulge in my pants is just emergency Oreos.
They say that money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.
You`d think my password was "yourmom" because the computer said it was too easy.
Studies show than men who have sex more often tend to have a longer life expectancy. See, it`s a survival thing.
It`s not karma, you`re just an idiot.
Language is cool because it`s just a bunch of sounds, but put them in the right order & you can make someone cry or you can order tacos.
They said money can`t by happiness. But it can buy tattoos, car parts, and beer. What else could we need?