Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing off everyone is fun and easy.
Telling a girl to calm down is like trying to baptize a cat.
Kids today don`t know what hardship is. When I was younger I sometimes had to wait ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video.
Judge me if you will, just keep the verdict to yourself.
Most meteorologists are men. That`s why when they say we`re going to get 6-8" of snow, we only get 2 or 3.
I was way too drunk last night to drive home. So I drove to another party.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much shit to carry.
99.9% of lol’s are lies.
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you... I would start thinking about you.
I`m single by choice. Just not my choice.
Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn’t hear you the first 100 times.
Guess it`s time to get to the part of the day I hate... the part which requires pants.
How can they have a Facebook group called Facebookers Anonymous? That`s like trying to hold a successful AA meeting in a bar.
I didn`t come here to make friends. I go to the cat shelter for that.
Orgasms are alot like pizza. As long as I have pizza I don`t really care if you don`t have any pizza.