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If you make something easier for yourself they call you lazy. If you make something easier for everyone else they call you a genius.
They say that nobody is perfect, then they say that practice makes perfect. I wish they`d make up their mind
Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they`re looking for ideas.
I hate it when I`m singing a song and the artist keeps messing up the words.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
You know when you`re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That`s happened to me, only with beer.
The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google what they call you when it ends badly
Last night I was walking the sexiest girl ever home until she turned around and saw me.
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I’m part of the other 2%
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke break a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
There should be a mercy rule for how many pics a girl can upload from her vacation.
Nobody expects you to post brilliance. Just be yourself, with the occasional intent of bringing shame to your entire family.
Just spent a week building a time machine. That’s seven days of my life I’m going to get back.
Most days I think I understand women, but then the alcohol wears off.