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It’s ok if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
Pepper spray: The perfect way to end an annoyingly long conversation.
At my age I can no longer function without my glasses. Especially when they`re empty.
You can pretty much text anything as long as you put a happy face emoticon afterwards. You`re a slut :)
SCIENCE FACT: If you close your eyes, you won`t be able to see.
I don`t have mistletoe this year, so we`ll just have to kiss under the influence.
My innocent look never works in the nude.
Here`s a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don`t be me.
I`m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out I`ll pop open the red and drink that.
Your a$$ must be jealous everytime sh*t comes out of your mouth.
There are days when everything goes perfectly. . I wonder what those are like?
For lent I`m giving up sex, wait I`m not Catholic. Whoa, that was close
I’m at the age where all my posts start with the phrase “I’m at the age where.”
You know what the trouble about real life is? There`s no danger music.
I wish "You idiot" was an appropriate way to end a work email.