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Doctor: How`s your headache? Patient: She`s out of town.
My wife just made a "special" dinner "just for me" for no apparent reason. I`m going to die, right ?
Don`t sweat the small stuff. Don`t sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything. Take your sweaty a$$ elsewhere.
I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
After meeting me... my therapist is now in therapy...
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
Sunday morning = lazy lay in my bed and fart under my sheets all day :)
I can`t tell if I actually have free time, or if I`m just forgetting everything...
Did you know? If you were to watch all of the Saw films, it would take you 666 minutes?
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets???
I can`t help but feel important when someone says there`s a special place in hell for people like me.
Is it bad when I´m talking to myself and I´m not even listening?
So many fun things to say … too many relatives on Facebook to post!
Having kids puts a new perspective on life.
Sometimes.. late at night... I fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend I am a meatball.