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i am not so think, as you drunk i am
"And then I rented a monster truck and drove it through their f*cking house!" - How all my stories would end if I was a billionaire.
2 words, 1 finger.
I bet Captain Crunch has some amazing abs.
I put ALL my eggs in one basket at the grocery store.... Today..!!
I slammed the car door on my fingers this afternoon. In related news, there`s an 83% chance that my nephew just added "Mother*ucker" to his vocabulary.
People keep asking me what my resolutions are, like they can`t see I`m already perfect...
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
When I`m on my deathbed, I`m definitely going to ask if I can be moved to a different bed.
Checked my bank balance at the ATM and was happy to see I had 707 dollars in it until I realized I was holding the receipt upside down and it said LOL instead.
If you`re ever lost in the woods and have a compass, the compass can help you be lost more north.
Yes, I talk to myself...Yes, I answer myself and Yes, I argue with myself....and the makeup sex is awesome.
why do people with bad teeth always have a smile on there face
I wish I could pick which brain cells the alcohol kills....There`s ALOT of crap I wish I could forget about.....
Thank God for Facebook otherwise we would never know what fireworks look like.