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Why do baby clothes have pockets?
I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
I got in an elevator with a lady with big breasts. She said could you press one for me please. I did and that was the last thing I remember
They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
Accidentally used AOL.com, I betting the employees there are celebrating and think they have a sure future.
You call them French Fries…I call them Edible Ketchup Shovels.
“Nevermind.” Translation... You should’ve listened the first time.
Choosing A Career Is Like Chosing A Wife From 10 Girls. Even If You Pick The Most Beautiful, Intelligent, Kindest Woman, There`s Still Pain Of Losing The Other 9
I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.
If you don`t leave a buffet looking like someone told you bad news you didn`t get your money`s worth.
The best thing about smartphones is that you don`t have to refold maps anymore.
Male camel toe? Dude that`s just nuts.
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn`t make the cut.
On the bottle of mouthwash it says "24 hour protection", so why do the directions say "Use Twice Daily"?
You call it reckless driving, I call it searching for my lighter.