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I`m actually a really good driver, when Facebook is down.
I`ve had like 10 red bulls, so of course I`m vacuuming the front yard.
Iām the kind of guy who dreams about naps while Iām asleep.
"Man, you know your bible verses forwards and backwards" - said no one ever
Professor X can move anything with his mind... except his legs.
so, on a scale of one is to seven, which letter of the alphebet is your favourite colour?
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
Go to China on honeymoon. Get intimate with Husband. Tell child that they were "Made in China."
My parents preferred my imaginary friend over me.
I bet if there were little basketball hoops above every garbage can, littering would greatly decrease.
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food
I`m at my most popular when I just want to be alone.
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches
Dating tip: Men always remember the woman who vomited on them.
Have you ever noticed that half way through the ColonialPenn insurance commercial, Alex Trebek tries to pull a Jedi-Mind-Trick on us.... "This is the insurance you are looking for." (I didn`t get enough sleep last night.)