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wonders how you can knock sense into someone when you`re beating them senseless?
The irony of social media is that the majority of users are all alone.
There aren`t enough love songs about the moment you see your luggage appear at baggage claim.
Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I`d say there`s a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.
We will always have that special 5 minutes before I started creeping you out.
Stupidity should be painful...really!!!
I just read the words "untimely death" and thought, "Man, I hope my death is timely."
So I`m giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
My life may be a mess but at least I didn`t make a harlem shake video.
Get ahead of myself. Sometimes I
Why be full of hate when you can be full of pizza?
All who post weather maps on FB. You know we have the internet too, right??
If there`s one thing I learned from my wife, it`s don`t get married!
Hello, fire department? Is this Mr. February? Yeah, I`m stuck in a tree. Uh, I mean... meooow.