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Sometimes, I use big words I don`t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
Women are like bacon: They look good, They smell good, They taste good, And they will kill you slowly.
Decaf only works if you throw it on people.
A wireless bra? They weren`t tricky enough, now I need a password?
You will never find the right person if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
thinks my life is becoming a very complicated drinking game.
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and its just me laughing at my own jokes.
Although the voices aren`t real, they have some pretty good ideas.
Going to write hasbro a nasty letter!!! The monopoly get out of jail free card doesn`t work...since I`m texting you can you come bail me out?
I hate it when spiders just sit there acting like they pay rent.
If a gay guy doesn`t write a book called "Fifty Shades of Haaaaaayyy" I`ll be disappointed.
Don`t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status, after 3 it should default to "unstable".
Facebook is not all about likes and shares. . . Like and share if you agree.
I`ll never fall in love untill and unless love falls on me!