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Hey I just met you... And this is Crazy... But this is a nice restaurant... So, Silence your baby!
I wish people would consult me before trying to insult me, because I could help them come up with a much better one.
A zip line but from the sofa to the fridge
I need to re-home a dog. It’s a small terrier and tends to bark a lot. If your interested, let me know and I’ll jump over my neighbors fence and get it for you.
This beer tastes like future mistakes.
If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I`m very skilled at shooting aliens this way
What if aliens only abduct crazy people, because nobody will ever believe them?
Life gets expensive when you trust a cute woman.
How many boxes of these Thin Mints do I need to eat before I start seeing results?
Since you no longer have a calendar I`d like to notify all the Mayans that it has been one year since the end of the world.
I liked you a lot more before I met you.
I go out all day looking good and saw no one I know. I go out for 5 minutes looking like sh!t and it`s all of the sudden a f*cking reunion.
Whatever “Estimated Time of Arrival” on the GPS. Challenge accepted.
gets drunk on one drink. The trouble is, I can´t remember if it´s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
Today is National animals day, please take a moment to remember your ex :p:p:p.