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Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn’t like.
I miss the life I planned in my head.
I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone`s lawns so freshly mowed.
I slammed the car door on my fingers this afternoon. In related news, there`s an 83% chance that my nephew just added "Mother*ucker" to his vocabulary.
Today is Friday the 13th. Try not to be a teenage girl in her underwear at night at a deserted summer camp today.
A simple "good morning beautiful" text could make any girl smile for the whole day. ..but knocking on the bathroom window first to ask her number sort of ruins it for some reason.
Sometimes I`ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I`ll be like, "oh no, that can`t be right."
Saying “do I smell popcorn ” right after you fart, so everyone takes in a deep breath.
"I don`t see color." - A person who shouldn`t eat snow.
They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken.
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...... *high 5*
My dad use to take me to the circus to see the clowns, freakshows and the bearded lady. Now... I can see them anytime shopping at Walmart.
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
There’s no excuse for laziness.. but if you find one, let me know.
Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.