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The discharge paperwork at the hospital seems to be expedited a little quicker if you roam up and down the hall with the back of your hospital gown untied.
Welcome back to plastic surgery anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces here today.
SCIENCE FACT: If you close your eyes, you won`t be able to see.
Back in my day, we had to remember phone numbers and give people directions and don`t get me started on the dinosaurs.
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
Eventually we’re just gonna have to accept “ducking” is a swear word.
I don’t necessarily enjoy being the bad influence…but hey, somebody has to do it!
I’m sad when my food is over.
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
My new year`s resolution is to stop making new year`s resolutions.
If you feel bad because you didn’t do well on a final, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.
Just once I want someone to make a movie that’s sideways on the screen so I can watch it laying down without getting a kink in my neck.
Actually officer, if you factor in the earth`s rotation, we were all speeding.
A good thing about dating a vegan is that you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone, when you buy flowers because they`re also a snack for later.
I wanna lie on the floor and not think for a month or two.