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My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
Sometimes I feel as though my life should be documented for future generations.
I`m not everyone`s cup of tea ... I`d rather be someone`s shot of tequila away.
I only like clicky pens when I am the clicker.
I just stepped on a cornfkake does that make me a cereal killer ?
Dear YouTube, I will always “Skip this ad.”
Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.
At the urinal, please keep your eyes forward and your conversations limited to weather, sports or beer.
I got food poisoning today. I don’t know when I’ll use it though.
Fun game: Borrow some tools from your neighbor and return them one by one covered in blood until they move.
LIFE always offers you a second chance,its called TOMORROW
Facebook: Cause why drunk dial one person when you can drunk post the world?
I don’t want to rule the world… Just everything within a hundred square mile radius.
I got in touch with my inner child and the little sh!t hung up on me.
I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.