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I like to play fetch with my cat....which, you know, is just me throwing stuff,,, followed by disappointment.
My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. . . . well. . . she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
I force my dog to watch animal abuse commercials just to show him how good he has it.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you´ll have to catch up.
Always have a goal... Example: Turn as much alcohol into urine as you can.
There’s no question about it, the second half of the tank of gas goes twice as fast as the first!
I would exercise, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
I saw a girl being irresponsible texting while driving and it really ticked me off.....So I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
I hate it when Hippos fall on me when walking home from school... :D
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
Ebay is really getting worse and worse to use. Yesterday I searched for a cigarette lighter. I got 3,974, 601 matches...
I will be responsible for my actions when my actions become more responsible.
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
The only thing worse than it raining after you wash your car is having to go poop after you get out of the shower.