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I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
Karma is like a rubber-band: it can only stretch so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face.
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
Statistics show that 3 out of 5 people.. aren`t the other 2.
Raising teenagers is easy, they sleep 16 hours day, eat the other 8, and the only word in their vocab is "ok"
I would be okay with a ghost in the house if it at least moved a vacuum around the floors once a week.
Me at age 5 "I wish I had a $1" Me at age 10 "I wish I had $100" Me at age 17 "I wish I had $1,000,000" Me at age 26 "I wish I had $1"
I`m not saying we should kill all the incompetent people. I`m simply suggesting we remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.
I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"
I think I`ve finally found someone I could spend the rest of my life with, I should probably get out of her closet and introduce myself.
My motto is "Never say never." Which makes it difficult to tell people my motto...
Ummm,, Can we just admit we may have taken this anybody can grow up to be President thing a bit too far.
One man’s potato is another man’s vodka.
If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.
Suddenly I can`t remember if it`s ok to use tampons as Nerf darts or if it`s the other way around.