Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How do they put the "do not walk on the grass" signs up?
Health tip: There`s never a `safe` time to shake a teenage boy`s hand. Never.
PRO TIP: Date someone who doesn`t drink vodka so she won`t drink all of yours.
When a cop asks you, "Do you know why I pulled you over?" It is never a good idea to respond, "Because my tires look like donuts?"
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for most of you.
First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes not making any decisions and feeling guilty about asking for blowjobs.
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it`s only Tuesday
one day a man seen a fairy, and asked.... could you make me irresistible to all women.... so she turned him into a credit card. :`D
Good job on the speed traps, cops – How are the murderer traps coming along?
Looks don’t matter to me if you’re attractive.
Was up all night wondering, why do people compliment me for having all my sh!t together & yet still insult me for being full of it?
Setting the alarm clock proves I`m capable of making the same mistake every day.
I feel like I`ve passed my "Best If Used By date."
Sometimes in the morning while drinking my coffee, I think about all the people I will be pissing off.
After I drink coffee I show my empty mug to the IT guy and tell him I`ve successfully installed Java. He hates me.