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Let me get this straight…a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out…and still be afraid of a spider?
To trick people into thinking I understand things at a museum I stand in front of every painting and silently count to twenty.
Groundhog Day, Just walked outside and saw my shadow, It`s now official, Six more weeks of dieting :/
I should be cleaning and disinfecting the toilet bowl today cause I have a feeling I`ll be hunched over hugging it later tonight.
Hey you know what will go good with all that beer you just drank? Social media and a camera phone!
Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That`s really not necessary
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my debit card goes through.
No Shirt No Shoes No Service. What about pants?
TIP: If cars are passing you on the highway in the LEFT lane, GET THE HELL OUT OF THE RIGHT LANE!
I hate when I get to the office and there isn’t a smoking crater where the building is.
Currently helping my sister look for her chocolate`s I ate 4hrs ago.
Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night.
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!
I`m the type of person that will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened days ago.
Bicyclists, it`s one thing to hog the road, but it`s quite another to expect us to know your fancy hand signals. Also, I can see your balls.