Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Apparently when a trainer asks you why you want to get in shape and you answer "revenge" it will raise a couple eyebrows.
Can someone`s face be a pet peeve?
If I wasn`t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn`t have made it taste so good with orange juice.
Whoever figured out the `days of the month correspond with your knuckles` thing had too much time on their hands
If a woman asks if you "notice anything new" tell her "I do, your beauty surprises me every day." Then continue thinking about velociraptors
When a cashier asks if you have a rewards card, look down, sigh, and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
I found a dollar in my bed this morning... Following my excitement was a flash of panic as I checked all my teeth
Funny word combinations :Clearly misunderstood, Exact estimate, Small crowd, Act naturally, Found missing, Fully empty and above all ... Happily Married
If you`ve ever wondered which of your friends are really amazing, you`re in luck today. :)
Don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life! Unless you’re an idiot. In that case, please listen carefully.
Being an adult is a lot like going to the vet. We`re all excited for the ride until we realize what it`s like where we`re going.
Girlfriend: No, you hang up... Me: (click)
There were 2 muffins in a muffin shop the first 1 says "I love being a muffin!" then the 2 muffin says ``Holy crap its a talking muffin!"
Life`s short ... Drink fast
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"