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I think I`m gonna take a hot shower. Its like a normal shower, but with me in it.
When my boss says, "women of a certain age" then looks at me, it`s ok to stab her with a letter opener, right?
People don`t want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.
why does a round pizza comes in a square box?
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot” ...you`re wasting everybody’s time.
It`s like my golf instructor thinks I`m mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ”K” instead of ”OK”?
I love salad! Just wish it had the taste and texture of pizza.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect
I add "Drink Beer" to my weekend to-do list so I know I`ll at least get one thing done.
Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color 8.
Is it just me that finds it disturbing that you can accidentally make a baby but you can`t accidentally make a pizza?
I`ve accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble pieces.........My next poop could spell trouble.
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers
That fact that I need sun glasses to open my fridge means my night must have been awesome.