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"I guess you`re right." - No one on the internet ever
Do you think retailers in Colorado have seen an increase in the sales of Easy Bake ovens and Brownie mix?
Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.
Facebook is like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there`s anything good in it
My day at work wasn`t easy, I just made it look that way!
Nothing is more heartbreaking than unappreciated sarcasm!
A fun part of your 40s is waking up thinking you`re hungover, and then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now.
If tomatoes are a fruit, then ketchup is a smoothie.
I always feel a little kinky whenever the lady at Starbucks asks me if I’d like whipped cream on it.
ATTENTION: Upon further consideration, I am once again pushing back the debut of my summer beach bod. Thank you for your patience.
Only a fool trips on what`s behind him.
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
I hate when I get to the office and there isn’t a smoking crater where the building is.
I ordered a new GPS unit, but it got lost in the mail.
How about this for lazy: I`m letting the NSA take all my selfies for me.