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Being an adult is mainly drinking coffee and pretending to be productive.
If you take Viagra with iron supplements it will cause you spin around and point North.
I`ve gotten to that age where nothing fits right anymore. Even my birthday suit looks like it needs ironing...
With the right person, you can talk about absolutely nothing for hours & feel like you spoke about everything.
For a guy who cant figure out how a remote works my dad sure has a lot of advice for Obama.
Don`t ask me stupid questions and I won`t hurt your stupid feelings.
Very productive day today, turd-wise
I can`t wait to be rich so I can price things from high to low instead of low to high when shopping online.
All the good ones are either taken or imaginary.
I hate it when someone starts to tell me something, then says "Never Mind".
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
I`m confused by this "It`s 5 o`clock somewhere" statement. Bars open at 11. Idiots.
Your secrets are safe with me! Odds are, I wasn’t even listening.
Saw a wasp in a spider web and I don`t know who to root for.