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Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
Based on the sounds coming from my neighbors house, they`re either having amazing sex or putting together a dresser from Ikea.
I cant remember the last time i forgot something
“What doesn’t kill you makes you smaller.” ~Mario
No one’s going to do it for you. It’s up to just you to make naps a priority in your life.
My train of thought is loco, no motive.
Do women who complain about never getting laid know about men?
Calm down ... Take a deep breath and hold it for about 30 minutes.
I avoid online dating sites because they match you up with people who share your interests. I don`t want to go out with a weirdo.
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I`m cute, I would have 1 dollar ... thanks mom.
I had to go on two diets because one wasn`t giving me enough food.
I`m just a guy standing in front of a huge pile of laundry wondering how flammable it is.
Random Fact of the Day: Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
Reasons I check my voicemail: 1% to hear the message. 99% to get rid of that annoying icon.
I wonder if Brazil has a wax museum?