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What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?
Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on the internet right now.
Nothing like calling off work and watching porn all morning.
I would rather have a bad day of fishing then a good day of work.
In lieu of a gift I liked a couple of charities on FB in your honour
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
Think of me as an idea. A really, really bad idea.
When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, “Yes, we’ve met before.” So they feel awkward trying to remember me.
Car next to me in the liquor store parking lot has a family sticker. She has seven kids! ... I better get in there quick! She`s gonna buy it all.
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow but I’m going to be too busy sitting on mine
I just keep telling myself you guys don`t have sex either.
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not a flow chart?
If sex between 3 people is called a Threesome and sex between 2 people is called a Twosome... Why is Handsome still a compliment?
Who wants to go Smart Car Tipping?