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My girlfriend is half my size but takes up three quarters of the bed. If my math is correct, she’s a b!tch
I`ve single handedly defeated my erection.
Bigger isn`t always better. Thighs, for example.
Have you ever laughed so hard that no sound comes out and you sit there clapping your hands like a retarded seal?
Imagine how creepy the first guy to dress up as a clown must have been, where in hell did he get that idea?
Trust me, when they make a pill that REALLY makes your d!ck grow, that commercial will be on during the Super Bowl, not 3am!
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I`m slowly getting over it.
Had a super busy day today converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.
Best Pregnancy T-Shirt… “9 Months Sober”
There are two types of people...don`t worry you are not one of them.
Light beer and turkey bacon probably won`t kill you but why take the chance??
I`d explain it to you again but I`m fresh out of crayons and puppets
I’m pretty sure the whole “ladies first” thing was created by a guy just to check out girls butt’s.
I eat my gummy bears 2 at a time ..no one should die alone
I just bought some new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said to remove the top and push up bottom. My butt hurts now but every time I fart the room smells awesome.