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Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.
Ask your doctor if walking blindly into traffic is right for you
You know you`re getting older when your friends start using the term "Pregnant" instead of "Knocked Up"
Before having any kids make sure you’re done sleeping and doing things you like to do.
Scientist say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS...
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
Hell yes, I would love to get stoned to death. Wait, rocks?! What rocks?
How do they even grow boneless chicken`s?
Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.
I hate it when my cat leaves a dead Smart Car on my doorstep.
The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
If a group of midgets performed the YMCA song, it is to be considered that they did it in lowercase?
I have an eating disorder; I`m about to eat dis order of fries, dis order of wings, and dis order of nuggets.
Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it`s lettuce.
5 symptoms of laziness –> 1.