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Is it wrong to put leftover Halloween candy in their Easter baskets?
People that walk behind cars get exhausted
If I share my food with you, its either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don`t want it.
My doctor prescribed me xanax instead of birth control pills I asked for. Now I have 9 kids, but I don`t care.
Parts of a worm: 1) Worm
My therapist just offered me my money back.
lifes a laugh, start living it!
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
Whenever I delete an App on my iPhone, The shaking icons make me feel like they`re all panicked over who`s getting deleted.
Iām pretty sure I could start a new life with only the crap in my car.
Magician: Now I will cut the woman in half. Me: Why turn one problem into two?
I have a black belt in leather
Ever notice your Christmas stocking has just enough room for chocolates and a bottle of wine. Coincidence? I don`t think soooo.
Being alone with my thoughts can be quite boring unless alcohol is involved
Who says I can`t relate to today`s youth? I overheard a teenager saying he loved "riding on E" and I was like "I totally get it, gas is so damn expensive".