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I don’t have an attitude problem… You have a problem with my attitude… That’s your problem, not mine.
Someone cut in front of me in the salad bar line today. I didn`t do anything because anyone who wants a salad that badly terrifies me.
the dude who posted ”MERRY CHRISTMAS“ has still got his head shoved up the turkeys A$$ it seems...
I`m not sure what my spirit animal is, but I`m sure it has Rabies.
They say that nobody is perfect, then they say that practice makes perfect. I wish they`d make up their mind
Forrest Gump forever changed the way I pronounce buttocks.
you know what sucks about being a "chubby guy"....when your girlfriend wants to play with YOUR boobs :)
Hockey is more enjoyable if you pretend they’re fighting over the world’s last Oreo.
I got kicked out of the public swimming pool today. Apparently the `Breast Stroke` wasn`t what I thought it was.
Fun game for parents: Scream in horror the first time your child loses a tooth.
The Four Seasons, by Facebook: Spring: LOOK FLOWERS! Summer: LOOK AT MY DASHBOARD TEMP! Fall: LOOK LEAVES! Winter: MORE DASHBOARD PICS!
Did you know? If you were to watch all of the Saw films, it would take you 666 minutes?
It`s a small world, but I wouldn`t want to paint it.
i used to like you but thanks to facebook i now know how boring u are
My parents never asked me to run away from home, but there were many unexplained one way tickets.