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I`m sorry I slapped you. It`s just you seemed like you weren`t going to stop talking and I panicked.
Who else has dropped the phone on their face while laying in bed reading Facebook?
Why don’t we just take the safety labels off of everything and let this stupidity problem solve itself?
Happy new years, my friends. Thanks for supporting the site, Ralf.
Just found out that I’m 53 Cheetos tall.
Is it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
So Monday and Tuesday sucked. But, with the right mix of caffeine, alcohol and mushrooms, Wednesday doesn´t even have to happen at all.
The existence of the `snooze` button tells you everything you ever need to know about the human race.
I only use shampoo that smells like raspberries so people don`t think it`s weird when I have jam in my hair.
If anyone is interested I`ll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 6:00pm until I get escorted out by security.
According to WebMD, people are Sick & Tired of me
Whoever said “two wrongs don’t make a right” has obviously never experienced McDonalds breakfast after a night of binge drinking.
Have you ever noticed that the & symbol looks like a guy dragging his butt across the floor?
is here. Now what are your other two wishes?
It`s always darkest before the dawn. So if you`re going steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s be the time to do it.