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Hot Pockets: For when you want every bite to be a different temperature.
People that walk behind cars get exhausted
I really love it when a hot girl winks at me with both eyes.
Oh, I have an idea!!..oh wait, no I don`t
I often worry about the safety of my children ... Especially the one who is talking back right now.
My life is like a romantic comedy expect there’s no romance and it’s just me laughing at my own jokes
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
Wish my husband got a check from the NFL for all the refereeing he does from his recliner...
You can run from your problems. Unless your problem is a cheetah.
University; It`s like being unemployed, but your parents are proud of you.
90% of adulthood is just deleting emails.
I`d take a stupid dog over a stupid person any day.
take a left on crazy, keep going until you hit insane. Follow that down to lunatic, turn right on insomnia, way past retarded and there you are @ my place!
Every photo taken inside my house has at least one laundry basket in the background.
Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I`m Confused.