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FYI: Real hippos at the zoo don’t eat marbles. They should post a sign or something.
I got drunk last night and my house wasn`t where I left it.
SPOILER ALERT for "Finding Bigfoot" TV show - they don`t find him. Again.
Nothing embarrasses psychics more than throwing them a surprise birthday party.
Taking my wife to a wife swapping party tonight… Hoping to get a PS4 in return.
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
That moment when you think you know somebody then they pull out an entirely new bag of stupid.
Sometimes I STOP when it`s not even Hammer time
Fast way to mess up someones Knock Knock joke? "It`s open."
The only idea worse than New Coke was brown toilet paper...
There is no logical reason why short pants should cost the same as long pants.
Unless your name is “Google”, stop acting as if you know everything!
If it wasn`t for physics and law enforcement, I`d be unstoppable.
I’m on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people.
If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.