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The secret to dancing is to pretend you have a wedgie and you`re trying to get it unstuck without using your hands.
They say that nobody is perfect, then they say that practice makes perfect. I wish they`d make up their mind
If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they`d put cocaine back in their recipe.
It`s not working. I`ve napped every day this week at work and not a single raise or promotion. Sleeping my way to the top was a stupid idea.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it´s still on the list.
"Dont make me regret this!" is something I say to myself every time I accept a facebook friendship from a relative.
"Cannot connect to network. Reset your wireless router." "Umm, okay, but what if my router is in my neighbour`s house? Should I call him?"
when a girl says "whatever" what she really means "I hope you get shot, fall off a bridge, get raped by a shark, and then eaten by it
Man what a day. I pulled my groin...for like 20 minutes.
Having sex is like doing FRACTIONS... It`s IMPROPER for the larger one to be on top.
I used to be a kleptomaniac but now I take something for it.
I was admiring my six pack in the mirror for two hours,then it got cold and I put it in the fridge
A date with Destiny.. Cause strippers need lovin` too.
Screw you, little sticker on fruit!
The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I fart in my sleep.