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Warning: this life contains strong language, adult situations and nudity.
If advertisers were smart, they`d make a silent, slow-motion commercial that runs at normal speed when you fast forward through it on a DVR.
Girl: I am not having having s@x with guys at the moment. Boy:I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue
I don`t regret burning bridges. I regret that some people weren`t on those bridges when I burned them.
I wonder what it feels like to be wrong.
Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last movie you watched.
My favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell`s Kitchen 3. Breaking bad
Why do people post pictures of missing people on facebook?...like we are going outside.
I`ve never had a windshield wiper setting that truly satisfied me.
I was bitten by a mosquito last night. Bet that little bastard is pretty hung-over today
Haters can hate all they want... they don`t affect my money.
If cartoons can wear the same clothes everyday then so can I, dammit!
If you start smacking people with your wife`s purse she won`t ask you to hold it for her anymore
I trust Snapple facts more than CNN and Fox News.
I made the mistake of asking Siri what women want....she has been talking non-stop for the last 3 days.