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There is a fine line between a sleepover and just drinking way too much at someone else`s house.
I wish I lived in a glass house, those people seem to have a lot of fun...
Everything happens for a reason. That`s why I drink to everything!
My moral compass must run on solar power because it never seems to work after dark.
I`ll bet other dogs must think that poodles belong to some weird religious cult.
I don`t care what people think of me. It can`t be half as bad as what I think of them...
The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem.
It`s the little things in life that matter the most... for instance the refrigerator light, helping you to see that last beer way in the back!
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it`s only Tuesday
I thought about exercising all day long. I am so exhausted.
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
I`m so hungry I could eat without looking down at my phone.
In theory, sex should be grosser than letting someone borrow your toothbrush, but it`s not.
80% of my life is pulling percentages out of thin air and stating them as facts...
Actions speak louder than words, unless those words are spoken by a drunken woman.