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I`m at the "what can I make with green beans and cake mix" stage of needing groceries
Valentines day
The easiest way to keep a secret is without help
All milk is breast milk.
It`s friday!! I smell vodka ;)
Some people are like water balloons, they’re more fun when you throw them out the window.
My lack of dusting will finally pay off on Halloween.
No, an erection is not considered personal growth.
What if there actually is one legit Nigerian millionaire prince who genuinely needs to use your bank account?
I would rather cuddle then have sex. If you`re good with grammar you`ll get it.
With my background and genetics, you guys should be happy I am half as normal as I am.
If it`s tourist season why can`t we shoot them?
I know 3 facts about you: 1.You can’t say ‘M’ without your lips touching. 2.You’re trying it now looking like an idiot. 3. Now you’re smiling
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
I could never trust a psychic who hasn`t won the lottery at least once.