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All I`m saying is if guys were meant to make them, they`d be call sandWIZARDS.
There is a method to my madness....and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable.....
The only technique I`ve mastered from watching cooking shows is screaming and swearing at everyone in the kitchen.
The early bird catches the worm. And the late bird catches one of the other trillion worms left. What`s your point?
Dear, automatic flushing toilet, I appreciate the enthusiasm.... But I wasn`t finished.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend
Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
Rescue helicopters should have white lights at the end of their blade so when they spin it looks a halo.
Dear Kelloggs, Cereal that makes them go back to sleep. Sincerely, Tired parents
Why get married when you can just drive into oncoming traffic?
I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
Good job on the speed traps, cops – How are the murderer traps coming along?
If you think you have problems, remember that Malaysian man who told his wife he was flying to China... and now he can`t get out of his girlfriend`s apartment...
I just wish the automatic paper towel dispensers were half as sensitive as the automatic flushers.
Of all the horrible ways to die I think healthy eating sounds the most painful.