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That urge you get to write “No one gives a crap” on someone’s status.
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are suppose to be doing something else.
Girl: What`s the plan, get me drunk and take advantage of me. Boy: Good, you`ve done this before
You gotta push yourself. Do 15 push-ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat an entire cake instead of just one piece. Burn your ex`s house down. I believe in you!
I just started dating a homeless girl and it`s great! When I take her home, I can drop her off anywhere I want.
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
I don`t speak Spanish, but I`m pretty sure "Dora" means "annoying"
Studies show that 99% of Dans are not "the man."
Don`t forget, If anyone asks we are a normal family.
If Crunch Berries aren`t considered fresh fruit I don`t think this diet is going to work out.
Today my role will be played by an overworked, under caffeinated, sarcastic, unstable, asshole. Consider this my disclaimer for the day.
I broke up with my gym, we were just not working out.
Anybody else have those FB friends that set up a FB account 4 years ago and posted once or twice and hasn`t been back on since? And you wonder how they can exist without a Life?
My posts come from a dark place.. I haven`t paid my light bill in 3 months.
The "Beware of Cat" sign posted outside my house doesn`t seem to be having the desired affect.