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Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
My therapist cries "Why me?" for the full hour.
I love my car. Without it, I would not be where I am today.
It`s not the torch she carries for me that has me worried, it`s the gas can in her other hand.
She might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty`s only a light switch away.
You think your life is bad? I’ve got that “Five dollar foot long” song stuck in my head
If you`re sick and tired of every Asshole on Facebook asking you to copy and paste stuff as your status, please copy and paste this as your status.
I get nervous after taking time off work, that in my absence my boss will realize how little I actually do at the office.
I’ve been searching for my stolen bed. And I won’t rest until I find it.
They say that money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.
I have a lot on my plate right now. Not busy, just hungry.
My favorite thing around the holidays is being put into a group message with 200 people reply "Who`s This"
To all my friends who sent me best wishes for 2013, for 2014 could you please send money, alcohol or petrol vouchers…Cheers!
I paid My 11 year old $10 to do the dishes, then on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.
Don`t you hate it when you`re typing something and you`re thinking about something else so then you subconsciously type what you were boobies.