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WARNING:: going to bed on Sunday will cause Monday.
It was awkward when she said, "And yet your feet are so big."
If Freud was alive today he would probably be awesome at telling "Yo Momma" jokes.
I don’t cut in front of people whenever I’m waiting in long line, that’s rude. I just start dancing & grinding on them until they get all weirded out & leave. Works every time.
I`ve taken my kids all over the country, but their favorite place to be is still "in the way."
If my "check engine" light would check my wallet, it would know there`s nothing I can do about it.
hmmmm...halo or horns today??
Who decided that the abbreviation for pound should be two letters not in the word?
Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces.
Anybody wanna go halfsies on an orgasm?
I feel so lazy.. Lazy as the guy who created the Japanese flag
Instead of ‘gay friends’ can we say homiesexuals
If you don’t already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.
The roof of the McDonalds in my town has 38 Pickle slices on it from times I ordered sh!t without pickles in it.
People who say they suffer from constipation are usually full of sh!t.