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I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing off everyone is fun and easy.
If suppositories were just a bit smaller, they would be a whole lot easier to swallow...........................
I laid awake all night again worrying about why I’m always so tired.
If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I`d probably pick living.
Best pickup line : wanna get pizza?
I remember, once upon a time... for about 2 seconds... about 13 years ago... I almost gave a damn.
Was going to watch the presidential inauguration today, but found something more interesting on a different channel. Watched "How cow farts affect the ozone layer" on The Science channel.
I think people who challenge me at Words With Friends are most impressed with my vast knowledge of three letter words.
Today is a great day. The mailman just delivered me an Iron Maiden cassette, which finally fulfills my Columbia House commitment.
This morning I jogged for 30 swear words.
Saw a boat with a sign that read "For Sale" so I added the missing "-ing"......Idiots can`t spell...
New favorite term: Multislacking. It’s nice to find a name for something you’re good at.
I just slammed hard on the brakes and found 3 lighters, $4.67 in change, condom box, empty flask, half an 1/8th, and a puppy.
You`re never too old to ride in a radio flyer wagon but apparently you can be too fat.
Being handed a flyer is the offline version of a pop-up ad.