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Sent my ex a card that said, "Get better soon." He`s not ill, just really crappy in bed.
I have this great midnight snack it`s called, what do I think my roommate won`t notice if I eat the edges off of
It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
I just realized there are more toes in the world than people
The only thing wrong with eary mornings is being awake.
I never thought Iād be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.
I hate when someone has a loud conversation on their cell phone and then gives me dirty looks for jotting down everything they say.
I`m often a little confused when people call me insane because, to be honest, I`m still just warming up.
If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
It won`t be the alcohol or cigarettes that kill me. It will be my inability to know when I should or shouldn`t laugh at something.
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
Life hack: If you keep your mouth shut, no one will know you`re so stupid
Good morning friends ā¦ Wait ā¦ what the hell m I doing up this early?
The human body is amazing... You breathe in oxygen and it converts it into sarcasm.
Sent an email to my Mom. Now I`m at her place showing her how to open it.