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So when a couple gets engaged on Facebook for April Fools it`s okay to comment "hahaha" but the rest of the year it`s rude??
People who are about to tell you something then say "never mind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers
When cleaning my house: 1% Cleaning 30% Complaining 69% Playing with stuffs that I just found.
Life would be so much more fun if there were random Dukes of Hazzard style car ramps along the drive to work.
A yawn is a silent scream for coffee!
My wife gives me sound advice. 99% sound. 1% advice.
It’s only a matter of time until “Security Cameras of Wal-Mart” is a reality TV show.
I think my "check engine" light has finally burned out. So that`s good.
The worst about the weekend?? The ending part.
Never forget that we live in a world in which it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract.
Half of my day is just me screaming profanities at an electronic device.
Don’t judge me until you’ve walked a mile with my shoes….shoved up your a$$.
This morning someone threw Skittles at me and said "Taste the Rainbow", I ran them over with my car and sang,"Nationwide is on your side"
I`m just 1 nap, 8 beers, 2 orgasms and my own personal robot away from this being the best day ever.
Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.