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As a man, EVERY month is `Breast Awareness Month` for me.
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
It’s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
Hard butter is the devil.
The difference between cars and whales is that whales can swim and cars can`t.
Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent.
If you play any Taylor Swift song backwards you`ll hear messages from the devil, however even worse........... if you play it forwards, you`ll hear Taylor Swift
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
If you`re a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money
When children shy away, I say, "I don`t bite. Not hard anyway!" Then I laugh and bite them hard. They need to understand life`s not easy.
The wife almost caught me browsing on Facebook, but I quickly clicked over to a porn site. That was close.
So apparently the security guard at Kroger didn`t believe that life gave me that lemon.
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.
OK. So I took the road less traveled. Now where the hell am I?
I have decided to follow my dreams.....starting with that one where I am naked at work.