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My kids think I`m uncool like I thought my parents where. Time to get even! ;)
I worry about what my rubber ducky thinks about me when I`m naked 0.0
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
That awkward moment when you realize this year is just going to be filled with morons talking about the end of the world the whole time.
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
In space they just call it "Jam"
We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like: “Well I’m bored, let’s go brush our teeth.”
Wouldn`t it be awesome if MTV had a show called "16 and Applying to Colleges"
I fake my LOLs
That awkward moment when a comment gets more “likes” than your status.
Secretly replaced the bacon with beggin` strips. Let`s see if the customers notice.
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
If there is not an open bar and a delicious cake at your wedding, I will take my gift card to Walmart back.
I`ll vacuum over something a hundred times before I pick it up and place it back down and try again.
Hangry: (noun) a state of anger caused by lack of food. May evoke negative change in emotional state. Translation -- Feed me or I`ll kill you.