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People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn`t give a $#!t.
When I`m bored I like to dress in a grim reaper costume and stand across the street from the nursing home and wave at the old folks.
I have my own version of Whole Foods, where I eat the Whole Pizza, Whole Box of Donuts, Whole Bag of Chips...
If you don`t think of 50 different ways to murder your boss every morning on your drive to work you`re probably the boss
Facebook is cheaper than therapy, twice as effective & you can do it naked.
Don´t worry ... It only seems kinky the first time.
Kicking a man while he’s down burns 150 calories.
I still dunno why they say cats have 9 lives. My cat only eats & sleeps all day long. It has no life at all!
Covers on, too hot. Covers off, too cold. One foot out would prolly be ok, but I don’t wanna be dragged from bed paranormal activity style.
Guys I can`t be leave I`m sharing this with you, but I saw my self on TV. After I turned it off.
Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
Walmart needs observation decks.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
If all the world´s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
Life would be perfect if: Mondays were fun, junk food was healthy, drama didn’t exist, and goodbyes were only until tomorrow.