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I did absolutely nothing today and did it well!!!
You can`t find happiness at the bottom of a beer ... Well no kidding, who is happy when their beer runs out.
Yes Grandma, I`m almost positive Arachnophobia is not the fear of people from Iraq
I hate people that take drugs, specially U.S. Customs and the D.E.A.
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, Iām gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
When I`m on my death bed, I want my last words to be...."I left 10 million dollars in the..........."
If you stand by the sea, it sounds like putting a shell to your ear.
On a scale of 1 to "Me".. how smart are you?
OMG!! IT`S MONDAY ... What the f*ck do you think comes after Sunday, Sunday JR. ?
Today, I`m really gonna give it my nothing
Some young men are like bottles of wine. They need to be tended to carefully & given time to mature; which is why I keep a few in my cellar.
I`m a very modest person, mostly because I`m awesome.
Bands who can`t afford a smoke machine should hire my girlfriend to cook at their concert
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought, "That sounds like a fair trade"
Bill Gates: A billi a billi a billi JayZ: Half billi half billi half billi Lil Wayne: A milli a milli a milli Me: A dollar a dollar a dollar