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Years ago, my girlfriend said, “It’s me or the beer!” I wonder how she doing…
So, basically Alexa is just some know-it-all with no actual job skills.
I was thinking about selling my old phone but I think it knows too much.
Picking and choosing who to say happy birthday to since 2006, thanks Facebook!
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people.
Don`t be embarrassed by who you are. Unless you`re stupid. Then you`re pretty much screwed.
I hate when I put food in the microwave & it starts makin explosive noises so I check and it’s cold like why you gotta play me like that.
Cut out the middleman and just list 911 as your emergency contact.
Thought for the day : Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
Don`t talk to me like I`m stupid until you know for sure.
If you need me I`ll always be stuck behind the person who doesn`t know how to use the CVS self-checkout aisle.
I`m not antisocial. I`m pro leave-me-the-hell-alone.
Yesterday I fell off a 50 foot ladder. It`s probably a good thing I was on the bottom step...
Dude, I see you are enjoying a cold Bud Light Lime-a-Rita .... I`m going to assume that`s your smart car parked outside.
I put the “Pro” in Procrastinate.